From: Maharani@rotfl.com (Rita Fernsler)
Subject: Re: sex in the bath tub, any tips?
Date: Mon, 28 Jun 1999 08:21:09 GMT

On 28 Jun 1999 02:33:22 GMT, joey@hecnyyvr.com (J.Y.) wrote:

>sex in the bath tub, any tips?

oh, yes, a lot.

1. get yourself a flat with a bathroom. make sure that there is a
bathtub in the bathroom.

2. lie down in the bathtub. if there is less then 20 cm space between
the wall of the tub and your feet, follow these steps:

  2a) go to the surgeon
  2b) get an appropriate length of your legs cut off (if you want to
      keep your legs tell the surgeon to cut your head off)
  2c) wait several weeks until you're fit again

3. check if there's warm water in the water tap which can be easily
used to fill the bathtub with. if not, follow these steps:

  3a) call a plumbing team
  3b) wait 6 weeks
  3c) call them again and give them us$ 1.724.
  3d) wait an hour
  3e) get your bathroom plumbed

4. go and buy some bubbly stuff for bathing

5. go and buy some candles, wine and all this romantic stuff girls
like for inexplicable reasons

6. go and try to meet some girl. she should be slender and small,
depending on the size of the bathtub.

7. if you have found one, date her for several weeks. give her
flowers, write some poems and so on.

8. after 6 weeks you may try to bring her up to your flat. give her
some coffee and drive her home.

9. you can do so for 3 or 4 weeks. maybe you could watch a video
together. we recommend a romantic comedy like "4 weddings and a
funeral". girls love such movies. don't show her your
jean-claude-vandamme-collection.

10. after 10 weeks you should kiss her carefully.

11. don't forget to send her some flowers.

12. introduce her to your parents. if your mom likes her get rid off
her as fast as you can. repeat all steps from no. 6

13. visit her parents. be lovely, especially to her mom.

14. get engaged. have a nice, romantic holiday in venice.

15. ask her to marry you. if she refuses, repeat all steps from no. 6

16. marry her. have a nice romantic honeymoon in paris.

17. carry her over the doorsteps in your house. 

18. go to your bathroom, fill the bathtub with warm water, sprinkle
some bubbly stuff. light the candles and open the wine.

19. have sex with your wife in the bathtub.

yes, it is a lot of trouble, but it's worth it. you're going to have a
nice little family, a pretty wife, some cutiecutie children and a big
bathtub.

Maharani

-- 
Maharani, Hohepriesterin der einzig wahren Religion [TM]
http://members.tripod.com/~Fernsler/detebe/index.html

Oberste Niedermacherin von de.talk.bizarre